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Welcome, Queens!

Image copied from Instagram – @meechferguson

This is a gathering of perfection!

For so long, boldly figured girls and women have been looked at with scorn, as though they’d been created by a lesser god, different from the Creator of all. For so long, those of us with curves have received judgements, one way or the other. Most times the curvy ladies have been overlooked for certain capabilities and skills just because they weren’t stick figures…

But it ends!

Being curvy doesn’t mean intellectually handicapped, it doesn’t mean ugly, nor does it mean an inability to live, love and be loved. Chubby people are first human and that comes with all capabilities and emotions that human beings are born with.

ChuBBy is body positive.

ChuBBy is fun.

ChuBBy is standing out and being sassy with your curves.

ChuBBy is living life, being adventurous and loving hard.

ChuBBy is sexy and fiery hot.

Join us!

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HE RUINED ME 5 (Pain)

What do you mean, what have you done?” Utom barked and backed away from me. I shut my eyes, biting my lip and wondering when I’d spoken my thought out loud.

I heard the sound of his zip and I realised I had to dress before doing the dirty deed of the night. No, we having sex on the bonnet of Dandy’s car, right outside his home wasn’t dirty. It was the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to me. It was why I was regretting what I was about to do.

With a deep sigh, I turned and hurriedly shove my leg into my jeans. I cannot find my panties and for it to be missing from my body when only one leg of my jeans had been pulled, it meant he’d ripped it from my arse. The realization sent heat coursing through my body, making me want him again when he’d just had me only minutes ago. What a slut, I thought demeaningly at myself while shoving my leg into my jeans.

“What the fuck happened to your hair?” his anger is back. Utom marched to where I stood zipping up and snatched the wig from my head. Pain travelled down my scalp because he’d ripped some pins in the process.

I cried out but he didn’t apologize. It was as though he didn’t care for me anymore. Gone was the guy who’d panted for me to stay in my ear minutes ago. He looked at the red wig, flung it over his shoulder, and pinned furious eyes on me.

“Whose car…you know what, don’t answer that. What the hell are you doing here, Nameti?”

My heart is breaking. Why did he sound so mean? I tried to breathe and collect my thought, but my thoughts refuse to be collected. “I thought we just had a moment!” I snapped back, eyes flashing. Yeah, no sensible thing ever came out of a person’s mouth whose thoughts weren’t collected.

“I thought so too. Yet, regret is the first thing from your mouth – oh God, what have I done? Are you freaking kidding me?”

Oh God, I’d forgotten that had slipped. Guilt weighed like a block of cement on my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, seeing how that could deflate a person. I’d feel terrible if I was in his shoes.

Utom didn’t acknowledge the apology. He folded his arms over his naked chest, his sweats hung low on his hips; he looked absolutely delicious, making my mouth water. Damn it, his huge cock was outlined on the soft material and I wanted to go on my knees and suck him until he was hard. I wanted his familiar musk scent in my nose as he shoved his cock in my throat. Dear God, what is wrong with me?

“Are you staying?” the catch in his tone pricked tears in my eyes. This was a terrible idea. I should never have come here if I wasn’t staying.

My phone rang again and I go on my knees to find it under the car. I heard his gasp as my arse went in the air. When I got to my feet, his lower lip is between his teeth while his cock jerked in his pants.

I’m immediately distracted. I want to throw myself at him but the phone rings again and I see it’s Tukor. He knows…TT had run his mouth and Jasper had in turn whispered to him.

The trembling of fear again rocked my body, “I need to return the…your money.”

“What?”                       

Disbelief is alive in Utom’s tone and it left him speechless for a second.

“No! Even if you aren’t staying, I don’t want it.”

“You don’t understand, Utom, please…”

“Then make me understand!”

And I choke instead of telling him I can’t go back to jail. I choke instead of telling him having his money would make me one of them again. I choke and say nothing.

He started laughing. Nobody would mistake his laugh for mirth, it was pure bitterness. “Of course, your secrets are obviously, still more significant than mine. I could tell you all of mine but you have to hold back yours for world peace, I guess.”

Our gazes meet, his sad and devastatingly hurt, mine filled with tears and regret.

“I’ve been chasing a dream. I’m sorry for my determination to have you, Nami. You’re free to go now.”

Utom turned from me, picked his pad from where he must have dropped it on his car, and pressed a button, I believe, to open the gate. I choke on my tears, my heart bleeding from the pain I’ve caused him.

Yet, I slowly got into that car after he’d shut his door and drove out of his house. I needed to face my past, lend a muscle to raise my future before I return to clarify things. I couldn’t return to him with all this confusion in my life. Utom deserved a hassle-free me, that’s if he’d want anything to do with me after tonight.

***

Shockingly, Underflex seemed empty of patrons. I should’ve known something was wrong, but I was too drained to care.

It wasn’t Dandy who opened the door above ground. That wasn’t strange but when I went underground and found the usually dark area flooded with light, I knew then…

“Bravo! Finally, the woman of the moment,” Tukor shouted when I walked in. It seemed as though he was waiting for me, or rather, they were waiting for me. Like old times when we gathered to strategize for a con job.

There was Dandy, who looked…worried. TT refused to look at me, knowing what he’d done. I see that the young photographer is stupid enough to want to belong to whatever grandeur Jasper must have filled his head about our con crew, back in the day. Jasper stood with his arms folded over his chest, a bit of disgust written on his face.

Then there was Tukor, who slow clapped his hands as he approached me, the sound echoing in the deafening silence of Underflex which was always saturated with loud music. He stopped the claps as he came to stand before me.

My pulse is racing. I don’t know what to expect but I’m not backing down. Tukor couldn’t fool me with his amiable attitude, the guy was the devil I’d made a pact with, and today, I was going to fucking break that pact.

“What’s this about?” I managed to say, hoping my voice wasn’t shaking because if I’d told you I wasn’t afraid, I’d be lying. I am fucking terrified right now. If I had any sense, I’d swivel and make a run for the door, but that would be giving Tukor power and today, was about getting my power back.

Tukor is tall, looked the same height as Jasper, they both had muscles, but compared to Utom, they were learning. On the other hand, compared to Utom, their deviousness was beyond comprehension. Even when we’d worked as a crew back at the US, I and Dandy had been the ones trying to tone down on their evil.

“Oh,” he grinned, it was just a showing of teeth because his eyes remained cold. “I think you already know, Nams. Where is the money you scammed from Mister Most Eligible Bachelor on Vogue Magazine’s list?”

Believe it or not, I’d hoped this whole thing would be about something else. I’d hoped, really hoped that I’d not drag Utom into this. I’m going to fight to my last blood, if necessary, to keep him out of it.

“I told you I don’t do that anymore. Not since jail, the one you all left me to take the fall for?” I snapped, getting in his face.

Tukor laughed in my face, “What a performance,” he clapped again and then got in my face too, his cigarette breath smothering my breathing, “But everyone seems to think that you’re still scamming, Nams. How much was it?!”

“It’d be in millions, for sure. That guy is worth a lot of money,” Jasper offered, his fingers tangling in his goatee.

To cover the terror chewing up my intestines, I turned and eyed my so-called cousin, “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, I’ve returned it,” I shrugged, looking into Tukor’s eyes without blinking.

We faced off for more than two minutes. Before jail, I would have buckled under his fierce scrutiny and looked away. But this wasn’t about me, this was about keeping Utom safe, and so I looked. At some point, I have no idea where I got the courage, I raised an eyebrow at him.

It must have made him mad because he stepped back and without warning, backhanded me, his bold iron ring smacking my mouth. I immediately tasted the coppery tang of blood. But that isn’t the only thing I taste. Oh, I tasted the justification of fury.

How dare he smack me?

I wasn’t his submissive anymore. We weren’t in that kind of relationship anymore. He had no power over me. He allowed me to take the fall for the last con we did. Three years in jail with no visit, then I came out to the news they’d returned to Nigeria. I come back home and he’s been tossing me around, refusing to give me my cut from the deal while trying to drag me into a con which I’d refused. And now he slaps me?

A roar ripped from my throat as I run towards him, bulldozing him into a set of tables. Shouts erupt around us, but I can’t decipher what they’re saying. I’m blinded by fury. I struggled up and allow my sneakered feet to smash Tukor’s face.

“You stupid, arrogant fuck! You should be thanking me for not releasing a dossier on your criminal activities! You should worship me for a taking a fall for you,” I kicked his face again, his groan of pain music to my ears.

But he caught my ankle at the next kick and pulled me down. I fell, slamming my head on one of the tables behind me and smashing some seats to pieces.

“You fucking bitch,” he growled and grabbed me by the neck, then he folded his be-ringed fingers into a fist and punched me.

My head snapped back. I’m dazed, everything seemed blurry. I recognise fear in my cousin’s tone as he shouted at Tukor to let me go. I vaguely wondered when he’d started caring. Perhaps he was seeing Tukor for the monster he’d always been.

There’s buzzing in my ears as my eyes rolled back from my head, focusing on TT’s shocked expression, and is that guilt I see? Then the young photographer ran out, while Jasper and Dandy tried to hold good old Tukor back from punching me into oblivion.

He snatched his arm from them and completed his aim. Everything goes blurred again and then dark.

***

“Nams. Nams, wake up!” the insistent whispers, body shakes and slaps broke into my subconscious, raising me from the dark into the light.

I was tied up on a high-back chair. When I became conscious, I started jerking hysterically, trying to get loose but Jasper and Dandy both shushed me. Jasper went as far as slamming his palm over my mouth but that just hurt more.

I panted through my nose, calming down when I saw Dandy was cutting off the ropes.

“You’ve got to run, Nams,” Dandy said, his voice shaking. He was afraid, I saw tears in his eyes but he didn’t allow it roll down his cheeks. “Runaway. Leave town if you can.”

But I was already shaking my head, “Enough with the running,” I whispered back.

“Are you nuts?” Jasper looked like he wanted to slap some sense into me. “Tukor is mad and I’m not sure what he’s going to do to you.”

“And yet you sold me out!” I got up and into his face the moment I was free of ropes.

“Not a good time, Nams,” Dandy whispered.

“I didn’t know he was going to act that way,” my cousin sounded ashamed and contrite.

“Even if you knew, Jasper, you’ve never really protected me. Only Dandy has ever looked out for me. Thanks for coming to my rescue, but this is where our road ends. I am not related to you anymore, if you see me on the road, you walk by or take the opposite street, got that?”

“But, Nams…”

My fury felt like wings as I walked away from him and out of the Admin office which I’d been tied up. I heard them behind me but paid them no mind. I have a mission. If my fury have become wings, then the pains all over my body, especially my face, was the wind propelling me.

I got into my room and opened my box on the bed. Dandy sounded a bit relieved, he even helped me pick my things from the en-suite bathroom.

“Where is he?” I asked as I threw clothes into the box.

Dandy sighed, giving me a suspicious look, “Drunk in his room, why?”

“Good,” because I’d just found what I was looking for – the pack of syringes I’d purchased last week and the drug my girlfriend – Nina, who’d hated Tukor with a passion, had gifted me – ‘for when you grow some balls’ she’d said.

“What the fuck is that?”

“Shit,” this from Jasper, but I don’t pay them any mind.

“I thought I told you to disappear, Jasper,” I said this opening the vials of chemical Nina had given me. She’d said it didn’t have a name but that it was designed to cause temporary paralysis.

“For all, I’ve done to you, Nams, I’m sincerely sorry,” his voice shook as he saw me stick the syringe into the vial.

Dandy shook his head and grabbed my box. “I knew this day would come. I’ll bring your car from the garage. Hurry with whatever you’re going to do and, just…don’t kill him. I still am not ready to clear dead body stench,” he sighed and walked out.

I meticulously dragged the chemical into two syringes, grabbed my purse, and brushed by my dumbfounded cousin who followed me. Thank God he did, he held Tukor down while I injected whatever shit Nina had given me into his vein.

“Fuck you, Jasper! You fucking bitch!” he screamed, then his voice lowered, a side of his mouth drooped, his eyes shone with terror. “What did you do to me?” his words were slurred.

I swear I’m smiling with satisfaction. Did this idiot think I’d leave without revenge? I had to do something that would keep me safe, there was no way I was running anymore because Tukor would keep chasing.

“I don’t know what it is, but it’s supposed to cause partial paralysis for a long time,” I smiled when he started shouting, or wanted to shout but ended up drooling over himself.

“Please,” he slurred, begging.

“You’ve treated me like an animal, Tukor. You’ve taken advantage of me for years. The sensual relationship that would’ve been beautiful, you used it to control me and thought you could still control me after doing jail time for you?”

I chuckled, my eyes going to find my cousin staring at me fearfully, probably regretting his part in the story I was talking about. But, I’m not there for him, Tukor is my aim.

“How does it feel to be a victim, hmm?”

He tried to move but ended up shunting up and down the bed. The drug had worked as Nina had said, the right side of his body looked limp.

“Now, listen, you’re only paralysed, not deaf. The drug will wear off in a few days, and you may or may not be able to fuck again,” I chuckled as he moaned, even Jasper whimpered behind me. “Knowing Nina, she might have messed up your dick.”

“Anyway,” I shouted over his hysterical moans to be heard, “This,” I flip a flash drive before his eyes, “This contains your criminal dealings from the US and here in Nigeria.”

I enjoyed seeing his eyes try to widen in shock. “Oh yeah, just in case you have it in your head to come after me. Nina has one of this and she’s been instructed to take it to Detective Brian, remember him? Yep, he’s still looking for you. Imagine how happy it’d make him finding you…that’s before Jasper here releases the rest to the DSS, won’t you, Jasper?”

Silence met me. I turned and found my cousin as stiff as a statue. He licked his lips, probably wondering how to ask if his name was in that flash. I helped him, “This is payment for finally looking out for me. He threatens me, you release it immediately.”

“Absolutely,” he sighed in obvious relief.

I got to my feet, staring down at the person that had terrorized me for years. I sucked up phlegm from my throat and spat on him, “Enjoy your paralysis, Tukor,” and walked out.

“Are you okay?” Dandy asked when he gave me my car keys.

“Never been better,” I smiled and leaned down to hug him. “Thank you, Dandy, for loving and believing in me.”

“Ah, Nams,” was all he could say while sniffling and hugging me tightly, “Go to him,” he said and I nodded, sniffling myself and opening the door to my truck.

“Err…Nams?” I turned to my cousin with a tired sigh. He chuckled nervously, scratching his head, “The flash you…”

“Come on, Jasper, you really think I’d handover that flash to you? I don’t trust you, man,” I climbed into my car and turned the ignition, slamming the door to his shouts of what would happen to him. I smiled, let him stew in his uncertainty.

The digital clock on the dashboard glowed 3:14 am. I’m not worried about the roadblocks on the way, those cops knew me, some of them were members of Underflex and I might have given them free drinks a couple of times.

As I neared Utom’s house, six hours after he’d fucked me on his driveway, anxiety attacked me and I was finally feeling the gnawing pains on my face. I could feel the swelling without even touching or looking at it.

I knew that his pad beeped continuously when someone was at his gate until he clicked to open or ignore. Would he ignore me? I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. I cruised to his gate and waited with my heart climbing into my throat. I didn’t wait up to a minute.

I frowned. Wasn’t he asleep? Wasn’t he angry with me? I’d understand if he left me waiting at the gate for a while, I mean, we all have a bit of malice, right?

Apparently, not my Papi, because when I drove up and parked behind his SUV, he was leaning by his door, right hand in the pocket of the sweats he’d worn earlier while the left hand held his pad.

“What are you doing here?” his tone was cold as ice and I acknowledged, that maybe, he had a bit of grudge and it was justifiable after all I’ve put him through.

I cleared my throat and I walked up to his wide veranda. The light must have illuminated my face because he shoved off and was on me before I could take a breath.

“What the fuck happened?” he was fucking pissed and looked ready to kill and my heart soared because this meant I had a chance. “Oh, my God, are you okay?” instant worry for me – great, now I want to cry.

“I do not deserve you at all,” I croaked, my eyes scanning his handsome face.

“Who do I have to kill for this?” his tone was deadly.

“Nobody, Papi,” I touched his cheek, wincing from trying to smile, “Please, can we talk?”

Instagram image: @na0_

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HE RUINED ME 4 (Snap!)

“And better use English. I’m not down for this your pidgin bullshit,” I snapped.

“Ah, sis, no vex na,” I’m close to ripping off my damn wig to show how fucking furious I was but he must see it in my eyes because he raised his hands in surrender before leaning his arms on the plastic table.

“It was him and his two friends. One is light-skinned and short and the other dark and tall but not as tall as Utom. They’d been here long before I arrived, so, I only got the tail of the gist.”

“What gist?” I frowned to curb my need to tell him the gist wasn’t really important that I wanted to hear how he looked, was he well? Dandy couldn’t help me there, seeing as Utom hadn’t returned to Underflex since before the serious talk, so I was hungry for any news of him.

But I tightened my mouth and waited for TT to fucking collect his thoughts.

“The short guy, I think Chris is his name, believed that you should be reported to the cops for 419.”

My heart stopped in fear. 419 was the popular name for scammers in Nigeria. Instantly, I’m reminded of life in jail, and that had been in the US. I’m aware that the prisons here were no joke. Fear is like a living thing rolling around in my stomach as I stared at TT and tried not to throw up.

TT levels his gaze at me, “How much did you collect from him?”

Note, he didn’t ask if I’d collected any money, he already believed I’d scammed Utom. Now, I understood why he’d called. Jasper was a loudmouth and must have regaled his friends the cons we’d pulled back at the US together. Yes, I was phenomenal at it – a natural, according to Tukor because nobody expected much or such dubiousness from a chubby woman.

So, when TT heard I’d scammed Utom, this was him being smart and calling to ask for his share. He’d probably threaten to tell Jasper, and my cousin would, in turn, tell Tukor. I’d be back to square one because Tukor would stop at nothing to bring me back into his thieving fold.

Dandy was right. I needed to give up on that money and walk away. It is the only way to prove I wasn’t criminal anymore. It also meant I had to return Utom’s money. I’d be broke, sure, but I could always sell the house and start over. It’s what I should have done since returning from the US two years ago.

I looked up from my ponderings to find TT seemingly relaxed and waiting. I shook my head at him when he raised his eyebrow, “He invested in the business.”

TT nodded because he was part of that business. He’s been my photographer for the longest time and his pictures had gotten me lots of modelling gigs over the years since returning. It was the only thing I was perfect at, apart from con. TT knew the dream to own my clothing line for chubby ladies, but before then, he shot sample photos that have gotten not just me but him some out of state jobs.

“How much?”

I curbed my need to scoff at his persistence, “It doesn’t matter, I’m returning the money,” I said this and stood.

TT shoved to his feet, “Don’t do that, Nams. What will Jasper say?”

I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing I had to return the money. Even if Jasper and Tukor came after me, I’d have nothing to give.

I leaned on the table, allowing my anger to show in my eyes and TT stepped back. My periphery vision caught people staring at us, but I didn’t care. This was the end of it. Jasper or Tukor didn’t own me. I had my life to live.

“Have you ever been in a prison, TT?”

He scoffed, shaking his head, “You said he invested the money, didn’t you? Err, there’s no need to talk about prison,” his eyes believed I’d scammed the money off Utom.

“Well, I’ve been before. So, I’m going to return that money now. And I don’t care whether you run your mouth to Jasper or not. But if I were you…” I lowered my voice to a whisper, “I’d watch my back.”

***

I was very sure Jasper wouldn’t heed my warning.

It was why my hands trembled as I hurried to unlock Dandy’s car. They kept trembling as I sped towards Utom’s house. If I had his account details, I’d have transferred back the money. I also know calling him to ask about that would be useless.

I’m so grateful that Utom had refused to divulge how much he’d given me. Yet, it seemed his silence got everyone curious except Dandy who just wanted me to run. Could I do it; just fuel this car and keep driving out of town? I shook my head almost immediately, I wasn’t a runner. Even though I’d done it with Utom, that was different, he was a good guy. I’d ran to save him from me.

I drove right up to his gate this time, my heart thumping as I stepped out and stood in front of the floodlight to be seen clearly through the camera. The gate clicked immediately and I got into the car and drove through. I’m trembling all over as I drove up the narrow, winding driveway to park behind his SUV.

As I stepped out of the car, he was there, hugging me so tight I couldn’t breathe. But it didn’t matter because I loved it. I’d yearned for his touch, I’d missed his scent, I’d…

My brain scrambled when he snatched my mouth in a kiss so devastating my knees become useless in keeping me up. They buckled under me but he was there as always, catching me as he’s promised so many times. Did I believe him all those times? I squeezed my eyes shut because my trust system is so screwed.

Yes! That hum, that soul clasp I’d been missing every time I tried to get myself off when I missed him, there it was, from just a kiss. My arms go around his big body. I missed his strength, his passion…

Utom is hysterical and so am I. He has me sitting on the bonnet of Dandy’s car, shoving my shirt up to bury his face in my cleavage.

“God, I missed you,” he kept grumbling while his hands made quick work of my jeans. Need and heat have turned my body into an oven, and in between my legs, I’m drenched.

“Oh!” I screamed when his thick middle finger plunged into me. I flung my head back and saw stars, literally. It’s one of those bright nights because it’d rained the previous day.

“Did you miss me, Mami? Because I missed you desperately,” he panted as he finger fucked me roughly. I detected fury in his touch. He was angry with me, perhaps with himself for being so uncontrollable at the sight of me.

It all went to my head. It added to my sickening arousal. My breath caught on a moan as I jerked, my elbows denting Dandy’s bonnet as I came violently.

I should be mad too, at myself. This wasn’t what I came for. I should jump away from him. I should scramble from the car and tell him what brought me…but I’m weak. And I’ve missed him terribly.

“I’ve missed you, Papi,” I mumbled instead and widened my thighs, but my jeans block that move.

The fluorescent from his veranda glinted in his eyes and I saw how feral he was. My Papi is both furious and extremely turned on. He snagged one side of my jeans trouser and pulled it off roughly. He wrapped his arms around my thick thighs and pulled my arse to the edge of the car. And while I was catching my breath, I felt the familiar huge head of his cock probing my entrance. It was the only warning I got before he thrust, shoving all that hard hugeness all at once in me.

I screamed in pain because Utom is big and it’d been a while, so, his finger wasn’t exactly enough to widen the way for his huge dick. Yet, in the same breath, I bit my lower lip in a moan of dark pleasure, I can feel moist bursting out of me, I was creaming his cock.

“Fuck, Nami, look at that. My dick is covered in your juice, you missed this didn’t you?” he growled while thrusting sharply, over and over.

I can’t get any words out. My throat is blocked and well, my brain has melted from the pleasure so hot, I’m trembling all over.

I whimpered when he pulled out, crying at feeling emptier than before I’d been plugged by my Papi.

“Sssh, I’ll take care of you, Mami,” he groaned when he pulled me from the car and arranged me bent over with my arse to him. “Shit…I missed this arse, baby,” he slapped my arse, rubbed the spot. He squeezed my arse cheeks, spreading them open while his stiff cock probed my arsehole before sliding down to penetrate my pussy.

“Fuck, Papi, I missed you!” I cried…like, literally, tears dripped down my cheeks because this was so amazing. And I’m so stupid because I still have to do what I came here to do.

This thought is confirmed by the ringing of my phone. Nothing would make me pause this absolutely, terrifying luscious moment to look for my phone which seemed to be ringing from under the car.

But then, Utom was smacking so hard and fast into me. His large palm slapped my arse every time he thrust, sending my head spinning and flooding his cock with my copious cum. I could feel some sliding down my thighs.

“I love the way you sound when I fuck you. I love it that you like it rough. I’ll give you rough, whatever you want, Mami. Just, please stay.”

All these he said while plunging into me. “Are you with some other guy?” his voice caught on those words, even though his movements didn’t stop or reduce in tempo. In fact, it increased, he was banging me now, the force of his thrusts shoving my chest forward on the bonnet.

I had nothing to hold on to. My legs were on their last vestige of strength from withholding his past powerful pumps into me.

“No!” I cried out angrily. Why would he even think something like that? Like I would be stupid enough to jump into another man’s bed after him? Nobody could give me what he gave me.

“Good!” he growled, his hand caressed the expanse of my arse as he kept the steady tempo of thrusts. “I need you to come for me again, Mami,” he leaned down and kissed my sweaty, lower back and I shivered at how such a little thing added to the crazy pleasure he was giving me.

“Okay,” I whimpered, not even knowing what I was agreeing to.

He leaned up again, caressed my buttocks, spreading the cheeks. “Fuck, that’s so beautiful. You’re so wet for me,” his cock slipped out of my drenched cunt causing a cry of protest from me.

“Sssh,” I felt him angle his dick to my arsehole while his hands held my arse cheeks open. My heart stuttered, but not in fear, in dark excitement because we’ve only ever talked about this but have never done it. We’d been waiting for his toys to arrive.

Breath ceased in my chest when the large head of his cock probed my small back hole. I heard his hiss as though of pain as he humped but didn’t penetrate the hole. I felt him reach down and plunged two fingers into my wet pussy, he tickled my clit, while the weight of his hard dick rested in between my arse and sent me rolling my hips in abandon because this was too much pleasure.

Then he withdrew, slammed his cock back into me again. The force of that slam caused a soundless scream with my mouth wide open. And then he took his wet fingers and rubbed around my back hole before slowly pushing in.

“Breathe for me, Mami,” and I did what he asked, feeling my head spin and my body probably going into a seizure from the avalanche of pleasure engulfing me. My sight dimmed as he started fucking my arse with his finger while he fucked my pussy with his unimaginably hard cock. I felt full and tight all over.

I came without warning and it’s mind-blowing. My whole body drew up to the centre of a rolling storm and then exploded into smithereens, filling my whole body, right down to my toes and fingertips with glittering confetti. My legs gave out on me but he leaned his weight to hold me in place against the car.

His agonizing moan of pleasure is music to my ears. Then he goes and roars his climax. It was visceral. It was as though we were spiritually connected and his pleasure gave me pleasure, because, without warning, I started jerking under him, cumming alongside him.

“I love you, Mami,” he growled into my ears as we both caught our breath and that’s when my senses returned.

Oh God, what have I done?

Instagram photo: @na0_

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You Better Be Smashing

…goals, self development, beauty, relationships, everything!

Instagram photo: @nzingaimani

Hey, ChuBBies!

It’s a new week, in a new month, a time to reevaluate, make plans and smash them successfully.

You can do it, girl. Rest is important, however, never go fallow, babes. Our brains aren’t farmlands that get more nutritious when left idle. Nope. It needs stimulation.

Read, watch videos that enhance your skills, have valuable discussions with like minds, get a project…do progressive things.

Wherever you find yourself, make the decision to be smashing. No matter how little the responsibility is…smash it!

Love and light, ChuBBies!

😘😘

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HE RUINED ME 3 (Hope)

I wouldn’t take me back.

But Dandy thought otherwise and I’m hesitantly wondering if it could be possible. A week after the serious talk with Dandy, I’m now torn between following my routine of wallowing in self-pity and deceiving myself that I’d get my money from Tukor or taking a chance to confess to Utom.

“The man I’d seen the more than twice he’d come here looking for you was desperate, Nams,” Dandy had said. “He’d looked lost and his friends had had to drag him away every time.”

Yep, I’d been shocked too that he’d brought his friends but I was glad because they were there for him. The condition Dandy had described he was in because of me, broke my heart and scared me. It was a good thing his friends had been available to drive him.

I cannot imagine the terrible things Chris, his more outspoken friend, would have to say about me. He’d shown his disdain for me openly, even when I’d tried to be amicable with them. Had Utom told them about the five million naira he’d invested in my business? My heart plummeted at the thought, I hope not though. If he did, they’d probably have succeeded in convincing him about how bad I was for him, closing all avenues to apologize…if I ever got to it, that is.

My phone chimed beside me on the bed and my heart leaped. Yep, I’d retrieved my battery and switched on my phone to a barrage of messages, 99 percent from Utom and I’d been ignoring his calls since. Ignoring his calls was similar to stabbing myself in the thigh but I didn’t know what to say. I turned to my phone, wondering if it was another call from him.

“Ah,” my mouth dropped in shock, “Hello, TT,” I frowned wondering why he was calling me. TT never called me, I did the calling whenever I needed him for shoots. He was more of Jasper’s friend than mine.

“Ehhh, mama the mama!” he hailed and chuckled, “How far na?” he asked in pidgin English and chuckled again.

“I’m…fine,” I frowned, trying to understand why he sounded so peachy.

“Ah, aunty Nams, it’s been long o,” another chuckle.

Has the world gone mad? I pay him for every shoot he handles, cash on the spot, so he couldn’t have been calling me for payment or something. “What is it, TT?”

“I jam your boyfriend here for Maitama, with him friends.”

I shoved off the bed as though an ant bit my arse. My chest received painful thumps from my rapid heartbeats. Everybody knew I didn’t date, Utom had been the exception this past month.

I cleared my throat and strove to sound calm and unconcerned, “What are you talking about?”

“Bros Utom na,” he said in pidgin. TT was a professional photographer, an educated one at that, but I have no idea why he was adamant in communicating in pidgin English.

“Oh, umm…”

“Sis, that bros really like you o. Make you come Maitama come buy me one beer make I gist you wetin him talk. Dem still dey here sef”

I knew he was taking advantage of me but I couldn’t resist. Even the littlest information about Utom was better than chewing my nails and wondering how he was faring. So, I agreed.

“Can…can I use your car, please?”

Dandy raised an eyebrow at me, seeming engulfed in his big office chair, “You’re going stalking again,” he wasn’t asking.

Yes, and yes, since talking with Dandy, I’ve been using his car to drive to Utom’s house. I would park by his neighbour’s fence so that his camera won’t pick me and waited for a glimpse of him. I’ve not gotten one as of yet. But I ended up admiring his gate, visualizing the many times we’ve looked on his pad to check who was visiting before clicking on the remote gate-opener. I visualized the many times I’d driven through it and how he’d always be waiting outside to hug and kiss me senseless.

“You know, when I said you should go see him, I didn’t mean looking at him from afar. I’d meant to meet him and tell him what has to be told. It isn’t actually for his sake but yours.”

“What if he rejects me?” I grumbled.

“So, you’d rather reject yourself than he does it. How does that make sense to you?”

His snarky reply got me taking a deep breath and waiting for his car keys because it does make sense to me. “It hurts less.”

“This is hurting less? You’re smoking like a chimney. You were stuck in a room for more than two weeks! Now you’ve stooped to stalking and you call it hurting less?”

“Urrrg!” my groan is of frustration, “I’ll figure it out, Dandy, just give me the damn keys!”  

Without a word, he opened his drawer, picked the keys, and flung the bunch on the table. He doesn’t answer my word of thanks. Fuck, I’ve hurt his feelings, I’m getting good at this, you know…hurting people who’ve been only nice to me.

The drive to Maitama, the melting point of a lot of bars in Uyo, took thirty minutes and it was because there were no holdups on the way. I had to call TT to find which bar he was at, I drove there and sat in the car for a long time.

It was evening and TT had said he was sitting two tables from Utom and his friends. I wondered if he would readily recognise me despite my elaborate disguise. I pulled down the sun visor to check my looks.

I had on a dark jean and t-shirt, no makeup, a red wig that reached to my chin and draped forward, baseball cap pulled low to add more shadow to my face, plus sunglasses. I was getting better and better at stalking.

With a deep breath, I heaved out of Dandy’s Toyota Corolla and since the bar was one I’d frequented, I chose to use the alternative entrance that would make me less noticeable. I stood by the last wall covering before the open air space of the bar and scanned everyone seated.

My heart thumped as I followed TT’s description to the latter. I found TT but couldn’t find Utom or his friends. It took three more scans, even a fourth as I marched towards TT’s table, where he had a girl with him, but didn’t see anything. Had he even seen Utom or was this the height of desperation for me?

“Ah, sis, welcome o,” he didn’t straighten from his slumped position or pull his arms from the shoulders of the chick with him. No, he picked his bottle of beer and sucked from it, even belching loudly while I waited.

“Ah, sis, sidon na,” he offered me the only other sit at the table. I took it because, no need to create a scene.

When I sat, my eyes flicked to the chick and back to TT. I believed he was smart enough to realise I wasn’t having this personal conversation with some chick listening in. I’d overrated his intelligence by the way, because he didn’t take the cue.

“Sweetie, could you excuse us for a little time? I want to talk to my brother and it’s personal,” I was being – not rude.

But, the idiot chick looked me up and down, scoffed and flipped her cheap hair, leaning close to TT who, perhaps, seeing her attitude sat up straight, looking apologetic, but the deed had already be done.

I am angry. I pulled off my sunglasses and pinned the airhead with the meanest look I could muster.

“Err…abeg,” he cleared his throat, his arm off her shoulders while he shoved her, almost to the ground in a bid to quickly send her off. TT has heard of me, he knows what I’m capable of if I decided I wanted to be a bitch. “Just go first,” he encouraged when she seemed affronted.

When she was gone, I turned those mean eyes on a now nervous TT, “Where is he?”

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HE RUINED ME 2 (Ruined)

I choose ruined.

My hiding place for the past two weeks has been the kink place as Utom referred to it.

It wasn’t the same anymore. I’d always gotten an undercurrent of dark excitement whenever I was here. There was that consciousness that my desires were possible at Underflex – that’s the real name, by the way. But after Utom, there rose another consciousness that I didn’t need an underground dark place like a vampire for my desires to be fulfilled. He’d been ready to do everything with me.

I missed him.

I wanted to go to him. I wanted to be cuddled. I wanted to hear his voice in my ear and his warm breaths brush my neck just before he kissed me there. I want the excitement of calling him to hear his cherry conversations and happy plans he always had for us. I’m tempted to call, but I’ve gone as far as pulling out the battery from my phone and leaving it at the Underflex admin office.

Yep, it’s that bad. The extent I would go to stop myself from destroying a person. So, now I have no idea of time or day except what I’m told by the servers when they bring my snacks, drinks, and meals.

I missed him.

But I shouldn’t. It’s all done and dusted and was lovely while it lasted. I’m doing this to protect him; to protect me. Yet, why does it feel like it’s a futile battle?

Stop thinking about it!

So, I turned on my TV and switched from regular TV to in-house cameras. There are a lot of active ones, probably because it was a Friday. I flipped through the active cameras, finding a couple just kissing with their clothes on. Click – a man getting a blow job. Click – striptease. Click – doggystyle, hmm, he has a fine arse. My head cocked to the side as I watched the arse squeeze on each thrust. Though nothing close to my Papi’s magnificent behind.

Shit, I needed to stop this, stop comparing everyone to him.

Click – and oh, this is new. I sat up on the bed, staring at the camera with the two women naked. My heart wiggled. Yep, this will do. It would take my mind off – yeah, it will do. I don’t look away from the screen as I reached for my bullet vibrator.

This is the first time I needed a visual stimulant to get off since meeting him or even using my battery-operated boyfriend. I’d not needed it because he was overwhelmingly sexy and my body responded to him faster than a remote to a TV.

Speaking of TVs, I stared at the screen as the skinnier female sucked the breasts of the other on her back. Even as I place the vibrating cylindrical shaped steel on my clit, legs spread on the bed, dress bunched at my hips, I don’t get what I’m looking for. There are tingles no doubt, but…

Don’t get me wrong, my bullet is awesome. It stimulates greatly but, this time, the sensual stirrings I’m getting are – hollow. It’s industrial, impersonal…empty. what the hell? Does this mean I’d so gotten used to the wholesome passion Utom ignited in me that I couldn’t even get myself off from voyering?

“Fuck!” I’m frustrated as I fling my formerly trusted vibrator across the room, then I switched off the TV and fall back on the bed. Sadness swelled from my stomach, gathering like a dark cloud, it surged to my chest and soon I began crying and screaming, hating myself, hating my past choices.

The banging on my door came again as it did every day, like clockwork.

Tukor.

“Fuck off!” I screamed at the door. 

“You’ll have to open this door for me at some point, Nams.”

His authoritative tone, even muffled by the thick wood of the door, irks me and adds to my present ire. He is part of the reason I’m in this state. Back in the US, I was once his Sub in a D&S relationship and he’d taken advantage of that to use me.

I acknowledge that I should have known better, but I’d been needy and had just wanted to be loved and belong to someone. They say you never forget your first. Bullshit! I’ve tried to break off ties with him but he wouldn’t let go. And I wasn’t even his first. He still thinks he has a hold over me. Once I figure out how to get my money from him, it’s over.

Ignoring the bangs on the door, I fold into a foetus position and let the despair take control.

***

I jerk from a deep stupor to banging on my door.

“Fuck off!” I’m instinctive with this scream because banging is synonymous with Tukor on the other side.

“Oh, thank God,” I heard relief in Dandy’s voice, “Open the door, Nams.”

I sniffled, my head aching from the bout of crying I’d put in earlier, “Are you alone?”

“Yes.”

I rolled from the bed, not bothering with slippers. I should have though. But I was already halfway to the door, so, I bore the cold tiles, opened the door to let in the short man, who, shockingly, had a tray of food. I shut and locked the door before following him.

Dandy dropped the tray on the table, selected one of the two high-back seats in the room, and sat staring at me where I’d slumped on the bed again.

“You look like shit,” he said matter-of-factly.

I know I do. “Thank you,” I croaked and sniffled in a bid to clear my blocked sinuses.

“You’ve not eaten all day,” and as though in agreement, my stomach rumbled loud enough for Dandy to chuckle. “Come, dear, come and eat something.”

I’m hungry, the aroma of the food is appetizing but, I still need help eating. I rolled to a sitting position, grabbing the pack of cigarettes and lighter at the head of the bed. I opened the pack and brought out a wrapped stick of marijuana, lighted it and dragging the pungent smoke into my lungs.

“Now I know why your room stinks like shit. When did you start this?” Dandy sounded agitated.

“It helps me eat,” I murmured while letting out a stream of smoke into the air.

“You know this is unhealthy, right? Apart from the obvious dangers of smoking, there’s no window here to send off the smoke, so, you’re breathing what you expel.”

I know all this. Perhaps, I’m trying to kill myself.

I squished the butt of the smoke, feeling suitably famished before I attacked the plantain porridge prepared in the kitchen upstairs.

“This tastes good,” I muffled through a mouthful.

“Tastes better than your cereals, I bet,” he was being sarcastic, but it bounced off me. Instead, I gazed at the packs of cereals and biscuits, lined by the side of my bed on the floor and shrugged.

“Thank you for this, I appreciate,” and I meant it.

Dandy was my friend, more of a big brother. We, all of us had been part of the same crew back at the US, Jasper included. Dandy had always been protective of me when my cousin wasn’t. If there was anyone who wanted the best for me, supported me, and lied for me when I wanted him to, it was him.

He scoffed at my gratitude, “Don’t even mention that, Nams. But we need to talk. I cannot in good conscience allow you to continue like this. It’s been more than two weeks.”

I chuckled dryly, “Is there somewhere I need to be, Dandy?”

“Damn straight, there is. If there isn’t, I’ll advise you take a pill and die. But not in here, it will take months to erase the stench of a dead body,” he even squished his nose as though he was perceiving the stench of a corpse; it was funny.

So, I laughed. Not a breezy happy laugh like the kind Utom gave me but it was better than depression.

“It’s not funny, girl. I don’t want you to die or anything, I mean, you scared me when you didn’t open the door immediately. I thought the worse for the minute I had to wait for your voice through that door.”

“I’m sorry, Dandy, I’d fallen asleep.”

“After crying your heart out. I can’t even recall the last time I saw tears in your eyes and this kind of despair on your face – oh, wait, that would be when your parents died.”

I stabbed a piece of meat on the plate harder than necessary and shoved it into my mouth, chewing and giving the small man the stink eye. I don’t know what he was trying to achieve, but he was pissing me off right now.

“Who died, Nams, and got you like this?” his question was quiet and because he was way older than me and I knew he was being serious, I answered.

“Nobody died.”

“Good and nobody will. Now that the option of death is off the market for you, it is time to get up, freshen yourself, and return to the living. This – what you’re doing, isn’t living.”

Hot tears stunk my eyes, “But I don’t know what to do,” I choked on my breath and dropped the fork on the plate with a clang.

“Oh, darling, but you do. The kind of smarts you have cannot be hidden, even by the worst circumstance. And you’ve surely gone through that, Nams. But it’s time to stand tall and shine like you were created to.”

His words were breaking my heart. How could he believe in me when I didn’t? How the hell is he making this sound so simple, knowing the baggage I carried?

“Tukor owes me money,” I gritted out.

Dandy huffed, half angry and frustrated, “See, I know you guys have history and then you went to prison for him and that justifies you to want your share of that loot but it’s never going to happen. Tukor knows if he gives you that money, you’re out of here.”

I nodded because it was true. “And that is a bad thing, how?”

“Tukor loves lording it over someone and you’ve always been his favourite. He told you he’d invested the money in opening Underflex. I agree, but we’ve made some profit and he should have been able to give you something. Even if not your exact share. My best advice, Nams, is to forget it and get out while you can.”

“Do you know what that money would do for me?” my fury was returning.

“Calm down, I know. And I also know you could walk away and use the one your boyfriend gave you for your business. Cut these ties with Tukor,” he whispered vehemently.

I shook my head, I can’t, “I took the fall for him, Dandy. How can I walk away and not feel like a fool?” I spat.

Dandy leaned close and took my hand in both of his big ones…for a short guy, he had really big hands. “Nameti, you cannot allow this justification, though right, to hold you back. You deserve the money, but do you deserve still being connected with this guy? You deserve better, darling, you deserve that young man that has turned up here more than twice, looking for you.”

I sat up, my heart thumping so loud I felt deaf, “What? Utom was here? And you…you didn’t tell me?” I felt betrayed right now.

“With the way you’ve been acting, would you have wanted to see him?” he widened his eyes at me and I deflated immediately. He was right, I’d not have wanted to see him, isn’t it why I’d fled to this place?

“How much did you scam off him?”

I bristled, “I didn’t scam him!”

Dandy chuckled, “You played him, Nams. You made me lie you’d just returned from the US.”

My shoulders slumped, guilt engulfed the space that used to be my heart, “I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t conscious, it just happened. He’d been so easy and agreeable. And if I’d scammed him, why have I not been able to put the money to use?”

“That,” Dandy sighed, “Is a question I can’t answer for you. But I can tell you this, that’s the money you need to take and start a new life free of your past. And you need to consider that young man, he’s good for you.”

Fear clutched my heart, “I can’t,” I’m sure my eyes are filled with panic.

Dandy’s gaze is kind, “Oh, but you can. You’re not a coward, girl. And it better be soon because, one of these days, Tukor might just be the one to open the door to his wild knocks and you know what will happen, as per that kick that knocked him out cold,” Dandy grinned, seeming to enjoy the memory. “Tukor is still pissed about that shit and is in dire need of revenge. It won’t be pretty, Nams, you need to go see him.”

I fold into myself again because I do not see how I can return to Utomobong after all I’d done; the pricks of compunction won’t let me.

“He proposed Dandy. Even when he saw me with the packed box and knew I was running away without informing him. He went down on his knees and proposed, his eyes pleading. Yet, I looked into those pleading eyes and screamed ‘no’. If you were in his shoes, would you take me back?”

Instagram photo: @na0_

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Our Beauty Stripes

Hey, ChuBBies!

Yep, those stretch marks, they’re really ours. If its on our skins then we own them.

Just like that luxurious hair, exotic eye colour, skin like butter, long lashes, pouty lips…those stretch marks are ours too. Love it. Respect it for the story it tells.

This is to remind us that it’s our prerogative to love or hate our bodies. Other people simply follow our expressions.

Let the love flow.

😘😘😘

Instagram photo: @stephanieyeboah

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HE RUINED ME 1 (Madness)

I recalled the promise of light in my dank existence when I saw him walk in the front door, his eyes taking in my packed box. I saw him realise what was happening but I also caught how he refused to believe it, all on the emotions chasing each other on his expressive face.

I knew what he was thinking at every time. He called me angel but he was the angel. He had a good heart. All he promised, spoken or unspoken were true. There was no pretense with him unlike me.

There was only darkness, one that I had brief relief from when I was with him. He offered happiness which I knew wasn’t possible for someone like me and my past. What if he got to know about it…like Henry?

My sweet Henry who had, literally, thrown-up when he’d found out my past. After him I’d stayed away from men and considered returning to women. But let me tell you, all relationships, whether gay or straight, are the same. The other always demands something you can’t afford.

I’m tired of everything. Tired of the demands, tired of my past, tired of a business I wanted, with all my heart, to get out from but couldn’t because I’d made a pact with the devil.

I recalled the mix of shock and fear when he’d snatched my box and flung it away. He was a gentle giant, yet, he’d gone feral in that second. I knew then that I’d gone and done it. I’ve never seen him so furious and out of control. Yet, the sight of it turned me on beyond belief, sending fresh shame and disgust hurtling through my body. How could I be aroused when my action or inaction, in this case, hurt this good person?

He tried, he really tried to curb the fury. I watched in fascination as he became desperate. He went mad for a second and went on his knees. I watched him as though in slow motion as his hand withdrew from his pocket with the black, cube box. It was exactly as I’d feared when he’d sounded excited on the phone while asking me to come over for some sort of ‘special talk’.

I knew because he’d been murmuring his love for me and then staring in my eyes with uncertainty, probably wondering if I’d heard or why I wasn’t even addressing it.

In my past, I had to read people before conversing with them. I knew Utom was observant but I couldn’t understand why he’d consciously tuned it off when with me. I did everything to show him the kind of person that I am, but he wanted me still. I mean, I didn’t even have to take Henry to a place, someone just told him something and I’d confirmed it and it all ended, quite badly, I might add. He’d reported me to the police.

Utom’s friends didn’t trust me and I was glad for that, at least. I hoped they’d try to talk to him to be careful with me. I’d waited for the awkward probing questions every time he returned from hanging out with his friends, but nothing ever came.

I couldn’t understand how he’d openly told me he’d go any mile just to remain with me. It’s unbelievable that anyone can do that for a person, not even one’s family deserved such sacrifices.

So, I went mad.

Even with clear sincerity in his eyes as he pleaded for a chance to give me light and love, I forced myself to scream my rejection at his proposal when all I wanted to do was pant yes. But what would be the point? All of the romance would change when he found out my past or present, as it were. For someone so good he had a foundation funded by twenty percent of his profit, he’d not want to be associated with me.

I could have left my house before he got to me. I knew the time, I knew he’d be worried if he couldn’t get through to me by phone. I knew he’d come looking for me. Yet, I dallied. I pretended to myself that I was sorting the important and not so important clothes to pack. I pretended that I was waiting for aunty to arrive before I left. I pretended until he came.

My heart soared when I saw him. The turmoil in my body settled. There was calm at the sight of him, he made everything better. What did this mean though? Was I mad or just ruined?

Photo – Instagram: @na0_

What do you think made Nami run from Utom? Keep a date for He Ruined Me 2 next weekend. May it please you to like, comment, and share this post.

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Are You Ready?

Hey ChuBBies!

How’s your week going? Are you ready for the concluding part of She Ruined Me called He Ruined Me?

Well, if you loved the first part, the second part is about to be epic. The white-haired, chubby bombshell is about to reveal what’s on her mind.

Keep a date for this weekend.

Love and light.

xoxo

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The RovingBookworm Podcast: Episode 9 – Domestic Violence

Hey, ChuBBies.

Several women and men suffer abuse everyday. However, just because it isn’t your reality doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

Nevertheless, if this is your reality, may this shared podcast add to your courage to make the right choice.

Love and light.
Listen.
😘😘

RovingBookwormNG

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to Episode 9!

I hope you all had a great week. This week was busy but fulfilling for me and I am grateful to God for it.

Thank you for coming back here again for yet another episode and I hope it inspires you to be a better version of yourself.

This week, I am having this conversation with the very resilient Ivie Edobor on a topic that a lot of people find difficult to talk about but is very relevant especially now. I have titled it,

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: WHAT IT IS AND WHAT TO DO!

A deeply moving conversation with Ivie Edobor, a survivor of domestic violence about her journey towards healing after a harrowing experience. This theme was inspired by two books I recently read, ‘It Ends With Us’ by Colleen Hoover and ‘Judah’s Wife’ by Angela Hunt.

You can listen to this episode…

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Chin Up!

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Photo from Instagram: @lisaomorodion

Hey, ChuBBies.

Let’s analyze a scenario for minute.

Random guy: (walks up to you) Jesus, you’re so fat! (Chuckles demeaning like) This happens all the time. Perhaps, not in the above exact words but in its variations.

What do you do, ChuBBies? Do you drop your head in shame? Do you become so angry you can’t speak? Do you fold into yourself and wish for the ground to open in that moment? Do you ignore? (This is valid but will it make the body shaming stop?)

The answer is a resounding NO!

Your words should be: (eyes widened in glee) Really?! You think so? (then look down and admire your body) I didn’t know. I love it. Thanks for telling me! (huge smile and confident walk off, sashay if you can). Or other such variations that don’t give power to the person seeking to demean you.

If we were given the opportunity to create ourselves, we’d all be our own shades of perfection. Yet, we were created and we need to love us already!

Darlings, it’s time to chin up! Do not give anyone the consent to make you feel inferior. Slam them down so hard they’d not know what hit them. They have words, we have words too!

Love and light.❣️

Happy Weekend. 😘

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